Inside I'm screaming 'I love you'

Friday, December 31, 2004

; why can't we be like the first day we're together ?

~~without you, my heart starts to cry.~~
you're all that i want, all that i need.
why don't you come and love me?

last night, everything turned out to be a horror. >): thoughts of her went running in my mind, looking at my phone every 5 mins, thinking what's the next thing is she do or tell me and whether it shatters my heart anot. if ive to live my life like that just to be with her, i will carry on. >): im starting to have all sorts of suicide thoughts again. i hope it won't result to cutting. she's having family problems, i can't help. i feel fucking hopeless. just suddenly, i no longer think im important to her. she's treating me more like a bestie. no more iloveyouS, imissyouS, babyS suddenly. and one more thing, cadence ain't around anymore. as well as, jenyiah, mummy and daddy. i always love doing that to her. but thanks to me, she put a fullstop to it. >): was it something i did or was it something i said? or i didn't love and care for her as much as i should be? she means so much to me. i would give up everything for her. but would she? i'm feeling fucking terrible. she totally just got no mood to talk to me at all. ive been keeping quiet thoughout the whole conversation. i was thinking about the past, the first day together. the day i really miss. i want to replay that day again. i fucking regret. just fucking regret. i just want that day. i realleh miss it alort. i'm so gonna breakdown again. i won't cry in front of her anymore. what she said about me when i tear was fucking so painful. i know im emotional and CRYBABY. i cant make it to be a good gf. -SLAPS, HITS SELF- i'm not trying to hide things. i don't like. it's just that i don't know how to tell her. she might see this, she might not? i dont know. AHH. -SCREAMS- my heart, hurts like fuck now. UGH.

working later on. (: im not having high hopes about meeting her. i want her to rest well at home. (though i know she will go out.) sigh, nvm. last day already. so, might get salary! :D:D:D:D

shall go now!
later!

I'd dance the night away

Holding you close to my heart

Whispering sweet nothings in your ear

As if we would never be apart

; stick with you